Beating Myself Up
I am hard on myself all the time, even though I’m told that mistakes are part of learning.
When someone that knows what they are talking about and tells me that what I did wasn’t right, I beat myself up. Sometimes it’s warranted, but even after being told it’s not a big deal and not to worry over it. I am a very cautious person and don’t want to make the same mistake again, but how can I do that if I just forget about it.
Call me having OCD, depression, being an overly sensitive person, or what have you. My brain isn’t wired like everyone else’s. I’m not just an average Joe.
Some of my friends understand, a little. I think.
During conversations, I understand what’s being said, but in turn, it seems that I complicate my methodology when explaining something, even though it’s not complicated to me. I say things a certain way and do things a certain way, because it makes sense to me… Just not anyone else.
I feel like, things aren’t going to be done right unless I do it myself. Doesn’t matter what it is. I do get stressed and it feels as if I’m being pulled in multiple directions at times, but I try my best because I don’t want it to show.
All my life I’ve been told to be myself and not a fraud. To be confident and not to be afraid to ask for instructions. Everything I’ve learned, after school has been self-taught. I may be given instructions, but I learn best from hands on, trial and error.
I hold myself and others to a higher standard and this causes me to be frequently disappointed in others. When I ask someone to do something and the task isn’t done a certain way or in a timely manner, I feel as if, I should have just done it myself.
I can’t help it. I wish more people would be more like my RGM and some of my friends, and just understand.