Bible Study – Build Fences Not Walls
1 Corinthians 7:8-9
 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
If you are a single person and never been married or dated before, even if you have dated before or is dating now. You should have expectations for the type of person you are looking for. For instance, specific qualities spiritually and their character.
If you are seeking a relationship, the first relationship you should ever have is with Christ Jesus. Let Him be the first and the last in your life. Let Him encompass your life and let Him be the reason for everything you do.
There are many people who develop a relationship with another person and it ends up not being what they expected.
I’ll give you a little piece of advise. If you are considering to date or marry an unbeliever, stop. Because, you’re not going to get with that person and fix them, no matter how much you’ve convinced yourself. I’ve seen it too many times. Someone who is in church date or marry an unbeliever. Days, weeks, months down the road that person who was in church and had a relationship with God has backslid. They no longer commune with God and they are not going to church and have left their church due to the influence of that person they thought they could change. When in fact, it was them that changed.
Paul instructed the church at Corinth by writing, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14
Paul said this because he is absolutely right. It is best not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It’s not necessarily because people who don’t believe are bad, but are still living by the standards of the world. They may not have read the Bible or may not believe in God’s word or may not understand it. How they act and what they do may be totally different from what your Pastor preaches and he’s accountable for the souls in his congregation. He’s not preaching to burden you with rules and laws. Your pastor is preaching to save your soul. If you would set aside what you’re doing tomorrow or thinking about what you’re having for dinner or that important conversation you want to have with your friend setting beside you and pray that God will open your heart and mind each time the Gospel is read, your soul will be edified and you will have a better understanding of God’s word and how to live and interact with others.
Most times when someone exits a bad relationship, they build walls up around themselves. It’s hard to fellowship and get to know someone when they have built these walls around their heart and mind. They don’t want to be hurt again and are not open to a relationship, meaningful or otherwise. Building up walls also can also harden a person towards God.
Walls are hard to talk through. Have you ever tried to talk to someone in another room of your home with the door closed? You can be screaming and they won’t understand what you’re saying because of the walls around them.
Sure, the pain of a breakup is hard to get over. I’m not trying to trivialize the fact that your heart was broken by someone you cared about.
If you’re a young person reading this, a single adult, or someone who just got out of a relationship, don’t build up walls around yourself. Don’t cut yourself off from future happiness. Instead, build fences. With walls, no one has a chance, they are not built to climb. With fences, your heart and mind is open to fellowship and talking to new people. It’s easier talking through a fence than a wall.
Don’t build your fence two feet high either, where just anyone can merely step over. Have more respect for yourself and stay true to the faith. The fence you build should be high enough to get to know someone first. If you are seeking a relationship, by the time the other person has climb and climb and reached the top of the fence you built, if God means for it to happen, they’ll be worthy to just walk through the gate.
For single young people, this applies to you too. You should have a fence and it be built high enough, first and foremost, so that you can focus on God then fellowship with other young people until you are old enough to get married. The best way to stay accountable is for a young guy or a group of guys never to be alone with a young girl.
The word “burn” in 1 Corinthians 7:9 is defined, as being used metaphorically of the emotions.
In the New King James Version, the 9th verse of 1 Corinthians chapter 7 is translated, “but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn [with passion].”
The thing about being alone together, with hormones raging, when that fire gets started, it’s hard to be put out. It’s best never to be in that situation to begin with.
Emotions may not be shown in the outward appearance of an individual, but felt inside. Emotions are something a person can not control. Run away emotions can make a person do things they normally wouldn’t do which leads to sin. Specifically, adultery. Adultery is not just physical. It’s changes a person. Especially in young people. Sexual acts between two people and especially the young unmarried is never viewed the same again. It has long lasting psychological effects. It can also lead to the young female becoming pregnant and 9 months later, a baby, which neither the young girl nor guy is neither ready for or competent enough to take care of.
Sex should be saved for marriage and never between young, unmarried individuals. You may think this is archaic and old fashioned. But, I tell you, having a tall fence and being accountable will allow great fellowship with your brothers and sisters in the faith and prevent sin, a child neither person may want and be ready for, and the psychological effects on the mind.